Apple iWatch? That’s a really dumb iDea

No one wants to wear a giant watch.

A mockup of what an iWatch could look like by ADR Studio.

A mockup of what an iWatch could look like created by ADR Studio.

The latest silly Apple rumour has the company interested in selling a watch. Or, an iWatch, as it would probably go.

According to The New York Times, “investors would most likely embrace an iWatch, with some already saying that wearable computing could replace the smartphone over the next decade.”

It seems the Times, and perhaps the investors it references, have forgotten one simple fact: it’s a freakin’ watch.

Seriously, does anyone under 50 wear a watch anymore? And of those few souls who do, are any of them doing it for any other reason than to make a fashion statement? (That statement, by the way, is “I’m a dinosaur.”) Surely nobody wears a watch to actually tell time.

Analysts’ justifications for Apple—or anyone—to make a smart watch are collectively some of the dumbest ideas ever put forward:

  • “The technology, including bendable glass, is ready for prime time.” Sure it is. You could also build a base on Mars, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
  • “Such a watch be used for phone calls, text messages, navigation and other smartphone-like functions.” Yup, but people won’t do that for the same reasons they avoid taking photos with their tablets (because it makes you look like a giant dork).
  • “Wearable computers will be popular in the future.” Most likely, but just because 1950s science-fiction said it’ll happen on the wrist doesn’t mean that’s where they’ll end up.
  • “Smart watches could be cheaper than a phone and therefore Apple’s best way into emerging markets.” Yeah, but so could… I dunno… a cheaper phone.

Honestly, where do they come up with this stuff?

Everyone seems to be forgetting one simple fact: Does anyone want to do any of that stuff on a postage-stamp-sized screen that sits on their wrist? And does anyone remember that actually wearing a watch isn’t all that comfortable? And while we’re at it, mightn’t we also remember that all of these functions are already performed quite ably by our smartphones, which have acres of screen size in comparison? And aren’t people already complaining about all the gadgets they have to carry?

Unless there’s a giant Dick Tracey revival some time in the next few years, I’m betting that any smart watch will result in one thing: iFailure.